My mother has a saying, “Life is not a parking lot. It is more of an ocean.” She describes all of the change that is never-ending in your life. People always expect life to be the same, but in reality, it is rolling like an ocean.
Some people, like Pocahontas, embrace this change. She explains in “Just Around the River Bend,”
What I love most about rivers is:
You can’t step in the same river twice
The water’s always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can’t live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What’s around the river bend
Waiting just around the river bend
I dramatically changed my life and that of my family, by marrying Hot Hubby. I knew I was making the right choice, but I knew my family dynamic of “Three Musketeers” would be no longer. Now when the family assembles, every one still wants their one on one time with Mom. I try to accommodate the requests, but someone always feels left out or slighted. As a result, I feel pulled in multiple directions. I try to please everyone, but end up pleasing no one.
Pocahontas embraces what’s around the river bend. I think I know what is around this river bend. My girls will only want my attention, until they get a husband of their own. The pull will end, when they have their own children to chase. I will have grandchildren to love and treasure. Our family will grow larger and stronger. And I get to grow old with a wonderful man. I think that is worth whatever waterfall or rapids we are traversing right now. Don’t you?
What is around your river bend?
Disney artwork/properties: ©Disney
As I look at young married couples, I see two people, deeply in love who slowly begin to notice the changes they would like to make in their spouse. He would be great, if he would just learn to be more handy around the house. She would be great, if she would just ask Mom for some of her recipes. It reminds me of the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, who wants red roses, when she has beautiful white roses.
We can get to a point where a “but” follows everything we think about our spouse. I love that my husband is a hard worker, but I wish he helped more with the housework. I am so proud of my wife’s cooking, but I hate cleaning up the dishes. I loved my trip to Disneyland, but I had to wait in a line for every ride. You see how the but, diminishes the happy feelings?
Maybe it is because we found each other later in life, but Hot Hubby and I are clear that we married a person that isn’t going to change. We are still in the process of melding our two lives, so we occasionally have to talk about how we do things. Hot Hubby will begin by saying, “Do we have a way that we (insert topic like “load the dishwasher”)? Then I will think about it. If it “has” to be my way and I am willing to take this task as “mine” for eternity, then I will say “Yes, I really like it this way. Let me do it for you.” If I am not willing to take the task for eternity and never correct how it is done, then I say, “What do you recommend?” We talk about how each of us would do it, then we decide on how “we” are going to do it going forward.
At work, I see a lot of arranged marriages that thrive and last. My coworkers explain that in America, you fall in love and then you spend your life falling out of love. In their culture, you get married and then you spend a lifetime falling in love with your spouse.
I am going to spend my time enjoying the white roses and falling in love with my Hot Hubby everyday.
What color do you want your roses?
If I haven’t mentioned it before, I love Mickey Mouse. I have tried to be subtle, but I have Mickey in every room of my house. And I like to have “hidden” Mickey’s in places that you might not expect. The way I think, you can never have too many Mickey Mouses. When Hot Hubby first moved in, he would take pictures of the Mickey Mouses and send them to his kids. I guess the Mickeys might be a little more than subtle?
Hot Hubby and I are a perfect match, because he has a forest green thumb and mine is black and dying. His amazing abilities have turned my barely surviving plants into flowering window gardens. Who knew, from the two dying leaves, that they were even flowers available?
Yesterday, Hot Hubby came into the kitchen carrying a Mickey Mouse item and asked, “How does this water gage work?” I studied the out of ink pen, that I had stuck into an artificial plant. I said, “It is a broken pen.” He started laughing. Hot Hubby then explained that he has been watering the artificial plant for months now, but was stumped by its lack of progress. What a loving man, to even take care of my artificial plants.
Do you have any favorite items in unusual places?
Are there any rides that you avoid when you go to Disneyland? I have always avoided the Grizzly River Run, because of the water. I saw everyone coming off and they had wet pants and it looked miserable to me. Because of my aversion, it became my kids’ favorite ride. They would get fast passes and wait in line while the fast passes weren’t active. I would watch from a distance and stay dry.
Recently, I took my first trip to Disneyland with my new Hot Hubby. He brings out the best in me and he insisted that we “ride everything”. He said, “We only get one chance to do it for the first time, so let’s do everything.” Everything, included Grizzly River Run. Of course, the line was super long and super hot. I was a worried grump by the time we reached the front of the line.
We boarded our boat and I was in a chair by the “door”. Then the ride began. We swirled and bumped and splashed. We passed a corner and bumped into a rapid and a huge wave of water came through the door and soaked me. We went down rapids and a huge plunge. I laughed, screamed and loved every minute!
Yes, I was soaked, but I dried. It made me realize how much fun I had missed with my kids, by wanting to stay dry. Then expanding it further and seeing how long I had played it safe in my life and missed the adventure. Maybe I am just getting older, but I don’t want to miss another adventure. I want to take the rapids and laugh and scream. I wanna get wet!